1. An irate customer is its own reward. Make someone's day.
2. A closed mouth gathers no foot ... speak boldly!
3. When the only customer service tools you have to work with is an axe, you will have hours filled with fun.
4. Try to come to an amicable conclusion ... the place where you and the customer both get tired of arguing.
5. Best customer service award goes to: the one with the subtle blend of psychology and extreme violent behavior.
6. If the shoe fits, beat the customer senseless with it.
7. If you can't beat the customers, arrange to have them beaten.
8. Having a bad day? Take it out on a customer. You'll feel bettah.
9. Creating a lie can save a world of explanation.
10. It's not losing the argument that matters ... it's how many you take down with you that counts.
11. Don't deal with a complaint with reality. No one does. Deal with your OWN reality.
12. Argue long enough to get the last word, and you just might get it!
13. You can be one of those bad things that happens to good people.
14. An argument long winded enough will end up in semantics.
15. Anyone can admit they were wrong ... the true test is not admitting it to anyone!
16. Be the best at talking in circles, for you shall be known as the "big wheel."
17. Tell the customer you didn't say it was their fault ... you said you were going to blame them.
18. Inform the customer they have the right to remain silent. Anything they say will be misquoted then used against them.